The Great Poll Dance Spectacle

Kalinga Sendha | A Study In Bullshit Happening In Odisha

I had vanished just as water from Odisha’s rivers and canals in summer but had to return as several of my fans and flames complained that the bullshit is just piling up in the Queensdom and there is no one to analyze it. As it happens polls for the honcho chair is shortly to take place and the entire land is gearing up to witness the spectacle no less thrilling than a pole dance in a shady Mumbai cabaret.

The Queen, who has been ruling for 20 long years, pretty long to leave the heaviness of her bottom's permanent trace on the throne, has shed her usually reserved demeanour and come out in the scorching April heat to campaign in full swing. A month before she was on an inauguration spree--cutting ribbons from schools to drinking water projects, posing for selfies with ordinary citizens and greeting them with folded hands. That she had to clean her palms with cleenex and hand sanitizers afterwards is another thing. In close attendance are her retinue of sycophant party workers and few selected bureaucrats, who praise her every word, initiative and quirk.

   But the Queen is clearly scared this time. Even though she and her trusted sidekick, Quickgun Murugan had retained a tight grip on the Queendom from the hallowed Third Floor for years, it seems the grip is coming loose and the pawns of the game are running helter-skelter on the chessboard. This game surely looks no easy win, even though for Queen it is very much an issue of ego and prestige. So this time she has a backup seat, just in case...

More panicked than the Queen is the willy Murugan and the select coterie that runs affairs of the Queensdom in her name. Having amassed huge ill-gotten wealth, power and perks, they’ve gotten themselves in the wrong side of Delhi Sultanate as well. Though the Queen has few lifelines alive in Delhi who have so far kept her (and the party) out of trouble, the local lieutenants of the Sultanate are not quite amused and are baying for the coterie’s blood. The solution to survive therefore is to do well in the hustings and offer an olive branch to the Sultanate at the most opportune time.

The Trojans & Turncoats

Many trusted aides, even people who were with Queen when she was young, have deserted her fort after criticising the “Evil Coterie.”  One of the first to jump was the fence-sitter Beige Panda who joined the Lotus party and was immediately given an important post. The long timer Drama Riot, afflicted with foot-n-mouth disease, followed the Panda, whereas his son chose to stay loyal to the Queen. Another lady of high class also did the same, even though she didn’t get a chance to contest.

 The Lotus Party, which has opened its gates, hearts and tickets to deserters from the Queen’s fort doesn’t also seem to have its businesses sorted out. Veteran partymen have complained that the party is in the pockets of one man, Bhramendra Headman. Those who were assured of making a dent in Queen’s Fort are being told to go to Delhi. A 20-year committed partyman forced to abandon his choicest seat, was in tears and wasted no time in joining the Queen. On the otherhand, Jitoy Bigpot, who had sulked citing similar concerns 4 months ago, is back in the Lotus fold apparently to unleash his revenge on the Queen.

Waiting in the Wings

 The one party that is apparently brushing its palms in glee is probably the Chapuda Party—out in the sun, rain and cyclones for the past two decades. Smelling a good opportunity in the fracas of the two main contenders, it thinks it stands a chance at improving its tally. The old horses Potla Khalnayak, Krur Riotray and Stara Dalapathi have brought out their well-ironed khadis and vowed to spring a surprise in Queensdom this time.  At the holy city, the party’s loudmouth TruthPress Naik is at loggerheads against Lotusian Samba It Potter.

At least two ex-mandarins including Memsahib Avayavita, two ex-kotwals and three showmen are braving the hot April sun to come out and join the dance macabre. The Advut BamanTa and Totla Khalnayak, who were Queen’s chosen men to the Sultanate Upper House are also eager to show Pappu that they can dance too, and tied ghungroos in their feet to enthrall all.

That’s why the whistles get shriller and the music louder even as the spectacular Great Poll Dance gets exciting with every passing day at the greatest carnival the Queensdom has ever seen.